Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Where are the jokers?

This past week has been something of a trial.  

The first Derby press release went out and I got to see who my fellow riders are for the first time.  I eagerly scanned the list looking for jokers - you know - the kind of people who might have put "playing the Virgin Mary in the school play circa 1989" as their only achievement and I'm not entirely sure who they are.  I was slightly horrified. 

In a blind panic, I emailed my friends.  What have I done, should I back out etc.  One reminded me of my "world class achievements" in ... blagging it.  Thanks Tom.

But another wrote one of the best emails I've ever received and here it is.  Views are obviously not mine.  

"- 1 England polo player; Used to stopping every hour or so. Doubt he can keep at it for long enough (regardless of myths from Jilly Cooper books)

- 1 world champs endurance rider; Ha! if you practised enough you could totally do that. Bet he/she will have an off day/get food poisoning because can't handle mongolian food (vs. you who has covered that part of training with Nando's)

- 1 world champion ski-bobber; Er....have you seen Cool Runnings? All they can do is run fast for 2 seconds and then slide/fall down a slope fast. not a useful skill for derbying

- 1 airline owner; Branson doesn't look like he would handle a horse well. Not competition. Marriage material?

- 1 Cossack Stunk rider; Er, what's a Stunk? Do you mean Stunt? If so - it is his job to fall off horses dramatically. This will likely prove troublesome on the derby.

- 1 rescue diver; and Land = not his/her medium of choice.

- 1 Mixed Martial Arts fighter and tv presenter Did he used to be married to Jordan? If so potentially used to riding wild animals. But will likely freak out at lack of access to fake tan.

- army chaps Army guys are not used to female companionship. My advice - distract them with your feminine wiles. Then ride off into the sunset without them and win."


Me, The Author and Miranda 

Thanks Coates.  I still feel a bit overawed tho.