Wednesday, 18 December 2013

No, I'm not going to put a Steak in my Knickers

Should I put a steak down my pants?  It seems to be true that Tour de France cyclists did.

As for the story about Tartars eating horse meat steak tartare, chap on left mangled the story slightly.  Most internet references talk about the Mongols sticking steaks under their saddles to tenderise them rather than eating bits of the horse that had a saddle on them.

My favourite proponent of this story on the internet is Helmut, who wrote three books described on his website as "practical, slightly erotic, skill loaded, hard to put down (parental discretion recommended.)" and explained as "amorous, uxorious tales and practical advice from a waiter's life in Germany, South Africa and the United States. 
A must read for any one looking to improve his/her people skills".

Helmut explains enthusiastically that "nomadic races united under Attila the Hun ... in a time when the fastest transportation was on horses back" and "From history books we know that these men burned many calories while touring the countryside of Europe..".  He continues, I imagine slightly breathily, "Women had little choice but to entertain the men."

I think these are the CDs stolen from Katy's car circa 2009
I think he means "entertain" the men.  I won't ruin his story about the nameless young woman who drained all life out of Attila in their wedding night.  Oh, snap...

He's also an artist, by the way.  See right.

Anyway, all nonsense.  Wikipedia and the New York Times (via the Cambridge Medieval History) tell me so.